February 6th, 2002

thoughts...

maybe i am thinking too much
i am sure that you would be of the same opinion
this is the way it has always been for me.

think with my heart...
the only people to whom the feelings of my heart have any importance are you and i.
in this space we inhabit,
this game we play,
my role is clear to me.

my mind tells me what my heart says is wrong
to keep myself afloat,
my head above water,
to keep my life livable,
i must be logical.

i cannot afford to follow my heart.
so, as in war, i must make a sacrifice for the greater good.
i must sacrifice one small thing,
the desires of my heart,
to keep everything safe.

in this way, i really am following my heart.
i would give up every chance of happiness for the rest of my life to appease the longing for happiness in those that i love.

this i feel with my heart.
this i know in my head.
this i know.

so if these are instincts of my heart,
then i guess i'm not romantic
i guess i'm just logical and uninteresting.
so following my heart doesn't mean much to you anyway.

end.